Social distance and yarncakes

Ever had a day where you just don't want to do anything but laze about and enjoy the day? Today is one of those days. Crisp and cool, the clouds are just right, And empty needles just begging for a new project.
Unfortunately there are also a pile of dishes begging to be washed as well. Not to mention the roll of decimated TP the cats have strewn through the dining room. No lazing today. But like I said I did finish all my projects. I do have one thing on my 3.5 circs, a mini cozy from some free yarn I got last year with my chenille. It's a shimmery silver grey fibre of unknown breed. I'm guessing acrylic, but man does that stuff felt if you get briers stuck to it. My favorite thing about it besides the shimmeryness is that it came in cake form. I love yarn cakes. They're so cute and compact, they don't come apart nearly as badly as skeins or balls. I'd like to find out how to cake a skein, so if anyone out there knows how, feel free to share.
I want to start up an atheist/agnostic group meetup locally, but I don't want to be disappointed like I was with the fibre group. I don't think I can take another epic fail in the social dept. I get tired of being let down by people and my belief that they care. The more I interact in the wild the more I pull inward and isolate myself. I think my expectations are perhaps a bit high of people in general. I expect them to be like me, and majorativly they are not. At least not here in my real life area. Plus people want interaction, sometimes I don't want to make an effort to call/visit every week. Sometimes I crave the quiet. Most people see that as I don't want to interact at all, and I seem distant. SO I don't form bonds as easily as a more invasive person. I'm always on the borders, skirting the edge of socialness And not. I don't like to dive in and get dirty, At least not right away. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but then again I may be wrong.

Fall planting

Hello world, Been really busy, and slightly less social this month. I tend to get in moods, jaded by the world around me and I shut out other s. But on the positive side I have been very busy within my little sphere. I have 6 southern pea plants growing off my northern side of the house, hopefully they will be ripe for harvest before the freeze in late dec. One good thing about living in the south is the frost is very late and often brief. I have about a dozen Italian lettuce fledglings due for harvest in the next 6 weeks, and my tomatoes are practically falling off my accidental plant. the ones I actually planted are in a sorry state and the ones that are in good shape have only given off 3-5 decent toms. the greens are in varying states, the older crop is nearing harvest and the babies are about 1/2 inch tall, so maybe some nice turnips for thanksgiving. My mints are outstanding and probably the best crop I've got. But I am very optimistic about spring. The composts are huge and rich. I believe I will be able to double my crop in the spring now that I've got the hang of things.

For knitting I have a lot of projects on, Not really a lot finished. Cozy is 2/3 through, but I got distracted with My red and yellow socks which are my on the go project. The Cozy is just too large to take to the bus stop and lunch etc. I am on the last 12 rounds of the second sock. I have finished my fair Ilse top I started this last week. I made 3/4 sleeves that are ribbed from 1/2 to the end so I can turn them up if need and weather be. It's out on the line right now drying and blocking.
I have been really good at not buying any yarn since I am trying to save as much $$ as possible in the economic crisis. One can never be too cautious. Which is another reason why I am considering expanding my garden from merely play to sustainable levels. I must brag on my Clothes line, I saved 300kw hrs on my electric bill from line drying half my laundry on it. My only reasons to Not use it are rain and I must machine dry Physics Guy's laundry, as He hates the crispness. Which I LOVE.
I also learned how to change a tire, though It won't do me much good as I am not strong enough to turn the lugs unless I use a Hammer. I may consider tossing one in my trunk Just in case. Usually around here the local guys will feel sorry for me enough to help If I seem too pathetic, so I predict I won't need it(hopefully). I wish My health and upper body strength wasn't so shitty. Maybe I should bust the weight bench out of the closet, and some pain pills on the side. Since I know any training would send me into throes of pain. Let this be a lesson kiddies, drink your milk. Bones are important.
I think that's all for now. Don't want to use up all my words in one post.

Work sucks

I have not been on here to blog in a couple of weeks, I am a bad bad blogger:( But When the hubby is home I can get NOTHING done. I mainly sit on ravelry or clean. that is it. I am still working on the cobweb lace stole, which is taking quite a long time for me. I expect as much from a lace project, but man I am usually on top of these things. I am also working on a pair of socks for Physics guy, since I haven't made him anything substantial ( the boobie pillow doesn't count). and He really needs a pair of quality socks. I quit the aran lobster sock for now, I am not in the mood for cotton. I think my garden hates me, All I am growing are tomatoes and paltry raspberry leaves. everyone else has withered to crap. I am going to add some more cow poo in the fall and go for some more torture then. Southeast Georgia is not the place for gardening in the summer heat. Not for me anyway. Well that is all the excitement for now. Maybe I'll have something good tomorrow. I'll try harder.

I said I would blog

Like three days ago I thought I would blog, but as it turns out I was more busy being sick. I'm still working on my socks since I hadn't felt up to it over the weekend. Einstein is up and walking now, becoming more and more catlike and less of my snugly pseudo baby.

I have days when I wish I could have another child, and enjoy a pregnancy full of belly pats, coos and "Oh! when are you due?". I didn't get that the first time around. I got more of the scowls, and looks like I had the whore plague. Even though I was with the father, and graduated high school early, being 15 and pregnant was not a happy, whimsical time. Really, I watched Juno and Wished my pregnancy had gone so well. So Yeah I wish I could have another go round to get the praise I earned for being a damn good mother thus far. On the other hand I see my one child as wonderful as she is, is a freaking hand full. Driving to school, homework, lessons outside of school, feeding and maintenance,= lots time and $$. With Physics Guy's disability I am even less inclined, as One never knows when he'll be up and about work, or down and out asking for cheezburger at 12 at night. we're even talking about the possibility of his retiring in the next 2-5 yrs. He's 23 yrs old. I know with housework, yard work, parenting of the one and only I already have, and the enormous amount of energy that goes into everything else on my plate my Brain probably couldn't take any more. Yet I still feel the need of the lovely survival instinct at least one week of every month. I wish I knew how to squelch it before I turn into the crazy catlady. some one help me.

My Scarlet A

When I first put the Scarlet A on my blog, I didn't realize how accurate it was to the truth of my experience as an atheist. Being newly "out" I never felt alot of persecution...Of course I never VOICED my feelings on the subject of religion. I had friends of many faiths. I pride myself on the fact that I can tolerate people whether I agree with their personal faith or not. I just Didn't Talk about religion with them. However, when I come to a person, who says they can handle what I like to call "My personal truths versus their own" for a more politically correct phrasing, I don't hold back. I speak honestly when I choose to speak. Sometimes people cannot handle it...Even when sometimes they say they can. This blog Is my private place for my thoughts. Granted I share them with the world, it is not nor WILL it ever be censored. Here I can stop and take the time to gather my thoughts and tongue, And I can say how I feel with out being interrupted and distracted. I don't always have the time, or verbal ability to put out what I want to say. I am A writer, I gather my words like wool, And I knit them into a coherent fabric on paper, or as the case may be in text. Sometimes my grammar is sub par, But if one can get past that they will see the greater picture I am trying to show. My voice has been stifled so many years, my opinions never counting, why should I be silenced any more? Now that I am un ashamed of my thoughts and feelings I see that in some circumstances they are only tolerated when they aren't shown/voiced. Tolerance is a two way street, I listen though I may not agree, and unless it is in the context of acknowledged debate I do not get offended, nor interrupt. I expect the same in turn. Sometimes, that is not reciprocated. And thus my scarlet A, being shunned because others cannot handle MY word As I kindly handle theirs. Even when I want to scream, Even those I love like family. Now I see, only in the company of like minded people can I be my true self. I will never shut up and sit down. I will never be silenced, not by and man or woman ever again. The things I have to say may not always be happy sunshiney knit and cat stuff. Sometimes it may challenge the beliefs of those I hold dear. That is me, who I am, that is LIFE. Filled with pain, growth, and movement, life is a challenge. I proudly wear my Scarlet A, And I hope to one day find others like me, who I can sit with in real life.. not just online. I'm only 22 years old, there's plenty of time yet. Until then my friends, Good night.

Ah , missouri

Only in missouri would you get a $250.00 gift card to a gun shop with you vehicle purchase. one dealer is actually giving the option of gas cards or guns with purchase.really see I lived there for about two years outside of springfield. I was about 12 I think. we used to ride our bikes in the storm drains to cross free ways and those things were HUGE. All the homeless folks would set up communities in there, old beds, dressers, one guy had a mini fridge in there. For what use I have no Idea, it's not like there were outlets( though I wouldn't have been surprised). the main reason why we rode around in them and disturbed the homeless people was because If you did actually get brave( or stupid) enough to ride on the side of the road/sidewalk or bike paths the endearing motorists would TRY and swerve to hit you. No shit, I knew people who would be riding along to thier granny's house and get smacked in the back of the head with a phone book, slushie, or the token stick. the added bonus was the coolness of having a mini mart next door, we'd go there and buy a bunch of V8 bottles and see who could drink one down the fastest. This was of course before the tasty new "berry blends" and strawberry banana ones. Nope we had those nasty veg only ones that tasted like tomatoes, carrots and feet. I reemeber one day our bike posse rode up and the police(locally known as "the po-po")were there. Turns out some kid had wondered around the store poking packages of meats up his shirt. The lady din't want to get him in trouble as was going to let him have some of the meats , because I mean If you're stealing meats thre's generally a HUNGER issue. she asked him to pull out said product...kid had like 200 bucks worth of meat in his jacket..in the early 90's in rural missouri, that's a shitton of meat! We didn't know the poor kid unfortunatly. If we had known him we would have totally hooked him up with foodage. One of the guys' gran lived about a block down from us. I swear She was the inspiration for Cartmans mom. "Hi kids, you want some cookies? I got roast in the oven you go eat those cookies and come back in 10 minutes It'll be ready" she had 10 kids at any given time at her house. She would call in poeple off the street "yall want some snap peas and sausage?" "I got some sun tea a'brewin" I loved gran. and most of my friends' families were the same way, my house was the icecream/popsicle house, because my mom cooked like a prison chef.
when my dad went completly nutters and held my brother hostage in the house and the swat team cometh, my posse were all there. They hid us out at their house while the boys tried to talk Rick into leting Bub out. There may be some crazy, gun toting, bible belt types up there, but there's also alot of butt kickin', stranger feeding, wonderful ones too. P.S. guns are very usefull, I am totally NOT anti gun. 'specially since SAlly's squirrels have come to my house. I have a 22 cal....I wonder if the rabbit ears would be over kill? probably.

Not hate, just Indifference

NOTE: "IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR MY RELIGIOUS VIEWS PLEASE COME BACK AT A LATER TIME, IF YOU HAVE NO QUALMS FEEL FREE TO READ ON":

The one main question or statement(as it comes in many formats) I get after telling people I'm an atheist is" why are you angry with god/ why do you hate God, or the much more common:"I feel you're angry with god". I am so totally NOT angry with god. And while I'm on it, if I were which one would I choose? Or maybe I could be angry with them all, but really that's a lot of fairy dust to be pointlessly angry with. No not angry, just indifferent. You see most people commonly misplace the opposite of Love with anger, when in fact anger assumes belief in said god. I however do not. So you see :indifference. Do not love, nor hate because I am confident there is nothing to feel emotion towards. The religious talks I end up eventually having with people have become like a recording to me. Same arguments, different formats.
Their personal God is not vengeful, doesn't smite the wicked,helps and heals, and is a jovial grandpa kinda guy. Yet they all read from the same book as the next person which states all about how thy should kill those (women) who sleep around, eat shellfish, or don't believe the same religious jargon as them. Also if you can say: "oh well this passage can't apply now, that was just the TIMES then." I'm sorry, throw the whole thing in the trash, because the same goes for the rest of it. I can not believe in something in a book that has been ripped apart and put back together half way and slipshod like some tinker toy from their hell more than a dozen times in the past century alone. and isn't really even written by said deity, I mean jeez dude omnipresent, get off your duff and write it yourself. It's not like you're actually doing something. These days if God tells you to write a book on how to kill people you don't like and rape their women, And condones sacrificing your children you go to either the funny farm or prison. Who knows that these boneheads hundreds of yrs ago didn't belong in the same place? Some where I read once the only difference between Christianity and the scientologists of today is about 2000 years. I concur. Back then you cold spout enough BS and get enough people to follow you and poof you're a religion. Sometimes all it takes is a good con and a charismatic personality, hey look at all these get rich quick schemes thousands get into every day. Same concept, you work your tail off give them your money/faith, con others into it and you get a fancy car/eternal life/ one million dollars, only to be miserable and irritating and come up with less than you started with. The old "there's a coin in your ear" trick didn't work on me as a kid, it still doesn't now, sorry.( not really)
Another argument is the old: well what kind of morals can you teach your kids without god, all the ones you say are made by us. Like there's some bloody patent on not running stark naked through the streets stabbing people. Common decency is not a religious value. Most definitely not, otherwise you would see a lot less hate mongering towards gays, non religious, and people who don't like (insert your religious holiday here) My morals are as follows:
(1) don't do things that could potentially harm yourself, others, or make ME want to kick your butt.
(2) learn all you can, and do your best so you will be wise enough to make the world a better place.
(3) help people when you can if you can,
(4) wipe front to back
(5) chew with your mouth closed
You see even less than the 10 commandments. Pretty simple stuff really, doesn't even need to come with an omnipresent figurehead.

From the beach

The beach was lovely, we got there about 730 Am. It was still a bit too cool for swimming in the ocean part, but there was a nice stream before a sandbar, before the tide that had reasonably warm water. I had the brilliant Idea to park my stuff on the sandbar sandwiched in between said current and the ocean proper...It was lovely until about 1030 when the tide started coming in and almost swept everything away. Fortunately my stash and camera were in my waterproof bag. I'm sure the other early beach goers got a kick out of seeing a screeching banshee woman scrambling for her three bags and blanket" My yarn ! my yarn!" Girly didn't get swept under This time, which was a bonus. Though she did venture a bit father than I'd like down the shore and I momentarily lost her. I bought her some goggles and she was scuba-ing in the current And so I couldn't see her. Plus there were NO bathrooms. At 745 no one is open. Fortunately where we stopped there was an FD(Fire dept.) And there's not a fireman I know who would turn away a little kid. So thank you to the Probie who let us in. WE also went to the beach shop around 11oo when It opened. I took a picture of the owner,Isn't she pretty!
but I chickened out on asking her to do a knitting picture. I'm not quite as ballsy as SmcP But I did take a picture of my seaside sock with a seagull who was rather fond of my boiled eggs.
The object of getting there so early was A: to get there before all the good spots were taken. However all the "good spots were further down the shore...near the bathrooms. And B: getting some good seashells before the tide swept them out. Which failed as there were NOT any to be had. So we got alot of abalone and some broken pieces for a wind chime, and whatever abstract project GIrly had in mind when she got these Which were carefully picked with schoolmaster like scrutiny.
And we saw the beautiful car of my dreams As we were leaving: the Saturn Sky. I am so jealous of Bossy. Getting to ride around in one of these for her road trip. It gets the BEST gas mileage for a sports car. I've also heard rumours there is a hybrid model. That would be a GREAT Mothers day present.

Just Beachy

It must be a beach week. Carolyn went to Jekell And I'm taking Girly to the Fernidina beach tomorrow. It's soo nice out down here it is hard to not want to be near the water. I don't know for sure if we're going to be IN the water or not as Carolyn says it's terribly cold still. Maybe just toes. Plus I kinda have a fear of Girly and water. Mainly because she has a tendency to try to down in the current. At 6 months old I took her out in her floaty baby trolley off the shores of Jekell's main beach. the waves were tame, the water was warm. all of a sudden out of nowhere a gaint of a wave swooshed over Girly knocking her into the undertow. She thought it was a riot. I very nearly passed out screaming from panic. PG just calmly dove down, grabbed a leg and yanked her up. Repaet this 4 years later with arm floaties(we didn't go back to the beach before then, we stayed in nice safe pools with clear water) that the wave from hades swept OFF her arms. When they say NOT a life saving device they really mean it. I am seriously contemplating In Icord saftey cord for my leg to her kinda surf board style to prevent this from happening this year. I myself did not learn to swim until I was 10 years old. There's no real need for swimming in the midwestern Ghetto. I mean really WHO drowns in a sprinkler? Anything bigger than and often times even the kiddie pools were stolen so no one I knew had a big pool. the time I did spend in the south was filled with floaties in 4 ft maximum pools and sticking to the tideline. So yeah I have no real lifesaving capabilities when it comes to water, unless of course you become a floater. I do have AED and CPR training. It's nice to have family in EMS servicies to teach you handy stuff like that.
I have the beach bag prepared already so we can just get up and go. I included extra camera batteries so I can get some good pictures. Adn mapQuest so I don't get lost like last time and wind up in a shipyard. Though the locals are Royally nice about giving the wayward traveler directions. Just don't look at them in your rear view, they WILL be laughing at you. My favortie spot on the beach it right by an Italian restaruant. They have live music playing and the widows are open so if you sit in the right area you get A nice serenade, and Oh the lovely smells of basil and garlic coming off the kitchen. It's a great beachgoing experince. So look for pictures some time tomorrow. If I'm feeling adveturous I may wonder around to find old cottages and things. I will be bringing my sock Ala Harlot so expect sock traveling pictures as well.

Mawiage

Often people think that with marriage comes a "happily ever after" filled with snuggles, prosperity and endless joys. These people are usually single.
When you get married, there are the happy dilightful parts. Like someone to warm you on a cold night, to share joys and tears. Watching a scary movie together under a hand knit afghan(had to slip in the knitting)
The Least wanted to think about is the fact that with the happily also comes the miserably ever afters. The key is to work through the miserably and wait patiently for the happily to come around again. the smashed through tube of toothpaste, the Picky etaers, and the stinky disagreements. Sometimes even illness. Some days I can't stand my husband. Any married woman can tell you the same( and the husbands too I'm sure). BUt unless you're married to a really rotten guy there's no reason to let a few irritations ruin an otherwise good thing.Little girls see the happily ever afters in movies and stories every day, and Nievly think that THE GUY will be a perfect agreeable man clone. Not gonna happen. Alot of marragies get messed up over sweating the small stuff. Sure we like to gripe about the stinky socks in the floor, and the mystirious inability to wash a load of laundry, but We all are irritating to some level. I for example like to kick my husband in my sleep, and sometimes forget to wash his pants:D which sucks. But we also like to hang out and watch old movies, and talk about world news and sciency stuff. We order Pizza and have mudfights in the yard. Not allways, but enough to remember them during the crap days when the laundry is loafing on the couch and he's forgotten to put away his dishes and I want to throw a kettle at him for being a pain. marriage is a job, like it or not. Things don't always fit like puzzle peices, sometimes we have to cut off parts and hammer them in to make things fit right. The efforts we put into it make the results much more valuable.

It isn't easter ham But...

I've been looking up some new recipies to add to my meal planning. I am a bit uneasy about some of the thai ones, Fish sauce doesn't sound all that yum, It brings on memories of catfish gutting and the goop you pullout. Never the less I bought some to make a sea food stew called Yose nabe in hopes that it doesn't tasste like the fish and sour feet that comes to mind when thinking of fish sauce. If when I open it it smells too terrible I will revert to a nice safe gumbo instead. I have to omit the mushrooms already since PG is horribly allergic and ends up itchy and vomiting like the girl on Exorcist. It's not a pretty sight. I'm also going to try a nice greek dish which looks really yummy. And more to the standard eating habits of my family. Prawns, rice and tomatoes are always big here. throw them together it's gotta go over well.
In knitting news I have most done on my cape, leaving only one side of the front and some possible adjustments to the hood before the bordering.
It's going to be a basic diamond cable. And of course blocking the durn thing so it doesn't curl anymore. I may have to crochet a few places on the underside to STILL keep it from curling because even though I moss stitched the first inch it wants to curl once I get past the moss. I haven't gotten much done on the socks I have on the needles Either. really I've been so tired the past few days I'm surprised anything is done at all.I will be gratefull for this 3 day weekend so I can get some rest. 5:30 am to 11-ish Pm is not a very restfull thing, especially given that from the time I get up to about 2 1/2 hrs after I am rnning around getting people dressed and off to their business and out for a walk with the dog.
Girly is STILL awake because her tooth hurts. I don't know why, the dentist was supposed to have de rooted it and capped it, yet it still freaking hurts two months later. She's driving my mad in there screaming like I ripped off an arm. of course it doens't bother her during the week. Must yell at dentist first thing monday morning....

Broken

Physics Guy crashed the vid. card last night playing Splinter Cell. I never realized just how much of a difference this hd monitor made until the card went out. everything looks weird and strechy. And flat. It's kinda like life. the whole you don't know what you've got thing. I never knew what a real tight knit family was like. The sharing, the openness, the calls every few days, just to say hi and make sure everyone was in good health. The first couple of years with my husbands family were foreign to me. I didn't understand why these pepolpe called "all the time for no reason" now I miss it when they don't call for a few days. I am very close with his mum. Closer than with my own, I feel like anything I am going through I can share with her. My own family doesn't call very much, even the ones in the states. I never knew that a knock down drag out fight doesn't mean ending contact forever with that person as it typically does with my family. I still find it strange that if you need something a family member will help you get it. be it a night off from the kids, or help with a morgage payment. Family is SUPPOSED to be close, like a part of your heart not living with your body. People who know birthdays, heartaches and are there to share them with you. I am very grateful for my new family, if it were'nt for them, I don't think I could cope with the one I was born to.

6 Years ago Today

I had my Baby girl. 7 LBs. 14 oz. No one thought I could do it au natural, but I did. I didn't have the exact birth scenario I wanted. People were coming in and out like Denny's morning rush. I had my mother there, which I did NOT want, And my baby brother turned green as soon as he hit the room. But none the less, it was the most powerful, and beautiful day I've ever had. Happy Birthday Girly


And for your knitting enjoyment, My Hooded Cape in progress. I was going to make a bolerro that is not A bolerro, But instead I am making something I have been dreaming of making since well Forever. I have the design down, I just have to Get'r' done as they say here in the South. This one for sure, will never be a UFO. I forbid it!
Oh yeah,... ANd my Durn cat is preggers. Beh
Want a kitten? They're free, and garonteed to be fabulously beautiful just like thier mummy.

Ribbed with Snark...for No Ones Pleasure

I am generally a Quiet atheist, content to mind my own path, and shake my head at the rest. Generally. Then someone comes along, and ruins my day And I must object. My only wish was that it were ANY other day than today when I am fighting squeaky can't breathe voice. But NOOOO, I let Girly be in the school play, KNOWING I disagreed with a line in the song she would be singing. ONE LINE. I let it pass, I discussed it in private with her, and let ..it...pass. I go to the play today and the WHOLE bloddy thing was laced with snark, and religious attacks. freaking FIVE YEAR OLD BABIES!?! Here's a quote from the mouth of a babe" This country was founded on one nation UNDER GOD(emphasised in the speech) and THAT"S (also emphasised)the way it should be. This was not said just once, but MANY TIMES over and OVER in the 30 minute play. So I voiced my displaesure to the principal( who was incidentally behind me the INTIRE time I squeaked and clenched through out the play)who redirected to the music teacher, who I also voiced my displeasure though I also complemented the adorable kids because heck they were absolutely ADORABLE), who THEN in turn redirected me to the teacher. All In all I had to tell 3 different people the level of snark in the play, and the undergod and THAT'S how it is, and a few other quotes, was frankly just rude, and also undermining my efforts as an Atheist parent. The response?" They're little, most of it was just*woosh * over their heads.so..." and " it was a pre-written play we bought"
SO freaking buttons. I don't CARE if it was over their heads, I did not send my child to a PRIVATE CHRISTIAN academy, I sent her to A PUBLIC school. There is SO much more to this country than religious rhetoric. Freedom, wisdom, diversity,triumph against oppression, open a history book! I expressed my hope that in the future the other plays would not be as religious minded, and exclusive, and left before the hands took on a mind of their own and smacked someone for their casual dismissal. I do not begrudge anyone their faith, but when It comes to the schooling of my child, or anyone Else's, they should be more damn considerate of ALL views and think , "well hey there might be Muslims, or Buddhist's or (yes even us) atheists in the crowd of parents and children, let's think about how there are MANY peoples in this country" And not marginalize and take away from the many truly great things the peoples did to make this country great by saying things like"with out miracles, and the bible, this country would never be here" BULL freaking Shiat. Men and Women,soldiers and sons, daughters and wives, People fought, worked, bleed and died, for this country to get where it is today, and are STILL dying. Go tell a soldier who came home with lost limbs, or a veteran who can't sleep at night for his nightmares, than their contribution doesn't matter, that it was all god, and THAT's why they aren't dead, go tell a mother who has lost her only son in war, than his life was God's will, and that not but her son nor the thousands like him, but BY GOD we're still safe in our beds at night. They were all but forgotten in the school today until it came time for them to come and retrieve the flags from their stands. As I saw those three men marching forward I almost cried, to think all they have done, and battled, just THOSE THREE men, and a government school gives discount to that, for to a God that one or even all of them may not believe in. It really breaks my heart.

Beauty

This is a poem I wrote some time ago, I had it on one of my poetry sites. I don't feel this way so much any more. I don't really know when , but I know a change in me came. Round about the time I started knitting, and quit the religion scene. I don't feel as hopeless, and unloveable now. I think alot of it has to do with letting go, letting go of thoughts other people put upon you, and the stigmas they put agianst you. Letting go of unlive-uppable standards given by mothers, husbands and most importantly Yourself. Beauty is a state of mind. I just thought I'd share it.



I see beauty all around me,

the smile of a child with an icecream, dancing in the sandy playgrounds

a bird on the water glistening in the sun, soaring high in the clouds

the veins of a blade of grass, or a flower blooming proudly

interior beauty of a kind man/woman opening the door

or helping put away groceries for an elderly person

a picture, a song, a book

why don't I see the beauty in myself,

I know I can be kind, beautiful inside,

Yet I cry, feel insignificant and unhelpful

wondering at night, did I do what is right

while I should be sleeping, looking forward to the next day

does my child see my admiration, have I shown her all my love

or remember my impatient outbursts, and forget the happy times?

the voices of the past telling me I am not good, am not smart

they cloud my judgement and my dreams, no matter what I do they laugh and taunt me

I am an outsider, the other moms stand away from me, as if they see my imperfections.

I try, perhaps not hard enough , to be their friend

yet alone I sit, at parties, recitals and games.

I think will my child do the same one day

or will she be better than me in my emotionally stunted friendships

only here physically apart do I find friends, I wonder why

do I exude some physical sign of abnormality, not in my face but manner?

like the caste less of ancient times

untouchable, odd ,unmistakably different

until I know for sure the cause and cure

I still have cookies to bake, rooms to clean,

Life goes on, full of tastes, smells and endless chores to keep me busy

until the night when I wonder again have I done enough

am I beautiful now? at least to those I love most.


copyright bitches.( but you can share it if you put it as mine)

Woman get back in the kitchen and... oh hell

I gotta say Hell ya for these ladies : http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/node/7995
Soo many women are abused everywhere by thier husbands and boyfriends. IF we had something like this here in the states that would rock my socks off. I found it Via stumble upon. I hate abuse, I was abused, my mum was abused, I do not tolerate it. SAldy things here in the states are pretty bad off when it comes to DV as well. Women are still being abused. Some men still think it's O.K., nessecary even in some places. Religious sects are still condoning it,or allowing it in a round about way of, "forgiveness", pleasing the husband prevention, and using misconstrued quotes from thier religious materials as evidence of thier higher powers permission. SOme women think it's okay, since the kids aren't getting it, or that if it's not often or it's only verbal that it isn't that bad. Even though studies prove violnce doesn't get better, Only worse. Then once they are able to leave There are places vic's can go now and get away, but if they're anything like the ones here, it's not good enough. I volonteered at one for a while, EVERYONE in the county knows where it is, and the admin are so busy argueing over petty crap like whether to hang clothes by colour or size, that the place hasn't even opened yet, and it was suppossed to back two yrs ago. Which means alot of women have no where to go , or are routed far away, or crammed in overflowing facilities. Nor to mention the religious exculsivities of most, where you must go to church, and read nonsense, and BE of a certian religious persuation or you can be asked to leave. Then they wonder why the women go BACK to thier husbands for round 2. There's either no other option, or they're taught to forgive, and let go, only to take it to mean forgive and go back. What really can we do to keep our women safe? education, strenght, and ability to provide for themseelves so they dont't feel powerless to leave. Every woman should know how to work at something so that if in any scenario where she MUST provide She CAN. Personally I think a gauntlet of mad badass women with baseball bats is just the thing to curb a man from hitting his wife. Think about it, would you really want to meet them at your front door as you're off to go to work? But really a no tolerance attitude, and women who know they CAN do better is a much preferable solution. Though there is something to be said for ownership of a nice cast iron skillet just in case.
Not to isolate all the awesomeness of these ladies, they are also picketing and protesting to the indian gov. to help impoverished people in the country and uncovering corrupt officials, and kicking much butt both literal and figurative. so Cheers to you ladies, Pink has never looked so powerfull!

Rainy day blues...or pinks

I've said before, I love the rain. But unfortunatly it doesn't like me. My arthritis is kicking my butt today. My joints are all swollen, sadly Girly has it too.It must be hereditary I guess. I hate it when she wants me to dress her because her little baby hands can't get the buttons. It sucks because I know how much it bothers me. So I have to get three people dressed. I went and did my grocery run anyways, because we needed veggies and butter, and of course Warsteiner to get through the weekend:P I figured I'd goof off while waiting for my RX to fill and scoped the paint rejects. I found some fab green but unfortunatly there was'nt enough to do my living room, and it was flat, so a definite PG no go. He MUST have semigloss in the living room if we are going to paint it. I talked him down from the DARKGLOSSNOWAY TO SEE MARKINGS!!!ledge to a reasonable colour level, and semi gloss. I also found a cutesy pink colour called cherry soda, 4 gallons, washable but flat:P my true paint love. I bought it, 20 buck for 4 gallons. Girly's peals of happiness are already ringing in my ears and she's not even home yet.
^note above pinkness(and reasons the wall needs painting)^Only one thing stands in my way now....I have never in my life painted a room. sure I've done trims, and botched a table or two, but a whole room! nope. I know I'm supposed to wash the walls first, and lay down paper( which I got). other than that, I dunno. The walls are already painted with a matte, so I think I won't have to prime or buff them. But I don't think I can just slap it on there willy nilly, surely it's not THAT simple...Is it? anyone have a painting for dummies book? I know I should have looked into this before getting the stuff, but painting is something I REALLY wanted to do since I bought this place. egg, white and buff don't do it for me. For now since it's raining I have a reprive, I know that much, paint+ rain = forever to dry. For now I will be content to go colour my hair, and wait for the Physics Guy on the big stuff. I also have a slipper to do, and dishes. I finished my poncho last night, and Now am doing the knitpicky do I want to add anything, is it right? perfectionism snit that I do with all my finished work. I think though that I am done. what do you think?